I'm so glad I know she wanted a cashmere cardigan

The Advertiser sent me a letter advising me that I was under no obligation to receive free newspapers for a week.  It was in one of those brightly coloured envelopes addressed to "The Householder" so I didn't open it until it was too late to cancel the newspaper deliveries.  No obligation?  They threw a new newspaper on my driveway every day for seven days!  I couldn't sweep them onto the street and pretend they weren't mine.

I tried reading the newspapers but it was painful.  I photographed some of the worst articles and I'm slowly working through a week's worth of crosswords.  The photos didn't turn out very well so you can't actually read the articles.  No loss there.

A selection of the worst articles

Headline: Monster moggy claws at record


Summary: Someone's cat is big.









Headline: When it comes to beards it's only a matter of trust

Summary: Some people don't trust men with beards.

Linked Articles: To find out if men with beards can be trusted they asked 5 men with beards.  At least the men gave decent answers and Ryan was funny.

Headline: Retailers hopeful of $30m spend at sales

Summary: A lady waited for a shop to open.

Caption: BARGAIN HUNTER: Marlene Taylor waited alone for David Jones to open for the start of its sales yesterday to buy a cashmere cardigan.

Caption: "Our clever dog Charlie enjoyed reading the TV guide" Gwen Kelsey says.

Summary: Someone has a pet dog.

Headline: Stopping all over

Summary: Traffic Lights: They go red.

Headline: Life is unreal

Summary: A girl was given a new apartment to accomodate the film crew of a reality show.

Headline: Blockbuster concert fit for a Queen

Summary: A concert was NOT fit for the Queen.

(Excerpt below)

Headline: Sequins make a dazzling comeback

Summary: Someone likes sequins.

Headline: Bigger spend-ups now suit men

Summary: Men are buying more suits.

Headline: Men return to shopping

Summary: Men are buying more suits (still, the day after the first article about men buying more suits)







And finally, the week in sports...

Summary: People pulled funny faces.

Horse Party

I am extremely out of touch with world news (and that's how I like it) but I heard something about a Diamond Jubilee so I looked it up on Wikipedia.  Apparently a Diamond Jubilee celebrates 75 years, unless it's a British Monarch in which case they only have to get to 60.  The Queen gets all sorts of celebrations including a big horse pageant because apparently she likes horses.  This makes perfect sense.  She has survived for 60 years, not from someone taking over, because that's not possible, but she is alive after all that time so let's have a horse party.

I really am ignorant about the Queen.  I don't know anything except that she waves with an unusual twisting wrist movement. I know she's meant to be special to us Australians for some reason.  It was all explained in the entry on Wikipedia: Diamond Jubilee of Elizabeth II.

"Paying tribute to Queen Elizabeth II as Queen of Australia in the Australian House of Representatives in Canberra on 6 February 2012, Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard stated the Queen was a revered figure in Australia.^{[citation needed]"}