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| Since when did 'Designer Menswear' mean 'little black dress'? |
Showing posts with label funny photos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny photos. Show all posts
Sunday, 19 August 2012
Wednesday, 15 August 2012
In the Ladies' Toilet
Why are you using the ladies' toilets, Brenton!?!?
How about you use the men's?
Not just when maintenance work is in progress.
I can't see the harm in using a comma but I guess I understand not putting periods and colons on a toilet door.
Bridge Stone
You can't fool me,Mr. I'm-a-stone-under-a-bridge.
You look nothing like the other rocks and labelling yourself as a "bridge stone" is not going to fool anyone.
End of story.
Friday, 3 August 2012
School Zoo Excursion
My friend found this almost empty booklet on the bus. I think the student who owned it might not have got an A in science.
The booklet provided a bit of amusement on the bus. I got my friend to pick 3 words. No matter which 3 you pick, it's funny. Well, it was funny to us at the time.
The booklet provided a bit of amusement on the bus. I got my friend to pick 3 words. No matter which 3 you pick, it's funny. Well, it was funny to us at the time.
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I am super organised.
Unfortunately, the first and only page I've used remains the same. Written on June 19, it is now August 3 and I haven't even achieved the first thing on the list.
New vehicle near my house.
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| "Honey, I'm home! Um...I may have knocked the letterbox over." |
Tuesday, 26 June 2012
During House Renovations - Scrubbing Day with Pippi Longstocking
When I was little I used to have amazing birthday parties and when I got a bit older I used to have amazing sleepover birthday parties. After all the party games and the salad platter and the giant bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken (before it became KFC) and the oranges filled with jelly and ... no wait, I'm going to have to write a separate post about how much I enjoyed my birthday parties. Moving on - after all that, we would fill the loungeroom with mattresses and get into pyjamas and sleeping bags ready to watch videos.
My parents would hire a VCR for the occassion (a VCR is like a BluRay Machine Thingy or a DVD Player but chunkier). This would happen for my birthday in June and again for my sister's in July. In my mind my parents hired a VCR, returned it, hired it again and returned it again for several years in a row before they thought to purchase one. I'm pretty sure other people were using VCRs on a daily basis but it was a special birthday treat for us.
Every year my parents would hire two movies - 'The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking' and 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'. I loved those movies and I reckon we watched them every year, I suppose it was twice a year, throughout our childhood. The only thing I remember from Pippi Longstocking is the theme song and the part of this clip from 0:15 - 0:16 but this preview makes me want to watch the movie again.
Getting closer to the point...
I was pleased to find polished floorboards in the bedroom, except for the half a dozen that were replaced with plain timber after the cellar fire of 1999. I was again pleased to find polished floorboards in the loungeroom. I was not pleased to find them encrusted with the black rubber of the underlay that had been crushed into the wood over at least 30 years.
After scraping off the majority of the black rubber, which was like super adhesive charcoal, it was time to scrub the floor.
Enter Pippi Longstocking.
Sadly, there were handles on my scrubbing brushes so I couldn't strap them to my feet and glide across the room but after more scraping and lots of scrubbing, I strapped paper towels to my feet to lightly clean the floor, or was it to dry the floor? Either way, it was most efficient and made me feel like I was Pippi Longstocking.
More photos of me mucking around during House Renovations:
During House Renovations - Flipping Underlay Residue
During House Renovations - The Varnish Discovery
Photos of House Renovations where I'm not mucking around:
House Renovations - Bedroom
House Renovations - Loungeroom
A tragic story about curtains which features the loungeroom floorboards:
Out, damned spot! Out, I say!
My parents would hire a VCR for the occassion (a VCR is like a BluRay Machine Thingy or a DVD Player but chunkier). This would happen for my birthday in June and again for my sister's in July. In my mind my parents hired a VCR, returned it, hired it again and returned it again for several years in a row before they thought to purchase one. I'm pretty sure other people were using VCRs on a daily basis but it was a special birthday treat for us.
Every year my parents would hire two movies - 'The New Adventures of Pippi Longstocking' and 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit?'. I loved those movies and I reckon we watched them every year, I suppose it was twice a year, throughout our childhood. The only thing I remember from Pippi Longstocking is the theme song and the part of this clip from 0:15 - 0:16 but this preview makes me want to watch the movie again.
Getting closer to the point...
I was pleased to find polished floorboards in the bedroom, except for the half a dozen that were replaced with plain timber after the cellar fire of 1999. I was again pleased to find polished floorboards in the loungeroom. I was not pleased to find them encrusted with the black rubber of the underlay that had been crushed into the wood over at least 30 years.
After scraping off the majority of the black rubber, which was like super adhesive charcoal, it was time to scrub the floor.
Enter Pippi Longstocking.
Sadly, there were handles on my scrubbing brushes so I couldn't strap them to my feet and glide across the room but after more scraping and lots of scrubbing, I strapped paper towels to my feet to lightly clean the floor, or was it to dry the floor? Either way, it was most efficient and made me feel like I was Pippi Longstocking.
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| Pippi Longstocking is coming into your world. |
More photos of me mucking around during House Renovations:
During House Renovations - Flipping Underlay Residue
During House Renovations - The Varnish Discovery
Photos of House Renovations where I'm not mucking around:
House Renovations - Bedroom
House Renovations - Loungeroom
A tragic story about curtains which features the loungeroom floorboards:
Out, damned spot! Out, I say!
During House Renovations - Flipping Underlay Residue
Take me back to the thrilling saga about the curtains.
Photos of me mucking around during House Renovations:
During House Renovations - Scrubbing Day with Pippi Longstocking
During House Renovations - The Varnish Discovery
Photos of House Renovations where I'm not mucking around:
House Renovations - Loungeroom
House Renovations - Bedroom
Saturday, 16 June 2012
Facebook Friend Payments and the Forever Sneezing Man
What, pray tell, is a "Facebook Friend Payment"? Do people pay their facebook friends for agreeing to appear as a friend on facebook? If I don't make any friend payments, am I liable to lose my friends? Or are the payments made in the currency of friends rather than money? "I'll trade you 3 of my friends for a pizza"? "How many friends do you charge for a new stereo system?"
Why is this man about to sneeze? I have never seen him sneeze but he is constantly preparing to sneeze. He is in a state of "Ah" where he never reaches "choo". If he does eventually sneeze one day, he will shower his sneeze all over the customers entering the lolly shop beneath him and he won't be able to cover his mouth and nose because his hands are full of lollipops and the sneeze will get caught up in his moustache and his glasses will fly off and smash into tiny pieces and it will be an all round disaster of catastrophic proportions.
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| Facebook Friend Payments |
Why is this man about to sneeze? I have never seen him sneeze but he is constantly preparing to sneeze. He is in a state of "Ah" where he never reaches "choo". If he does eventually sneeze one day, he will shower his sneeze all over the customers entering the lolly shop beneath him and he won't be able to cover his mouth and nose because his hands are full of lollipops and the sneeze will get caught up in his moustache and his glasses will fly off and smash into tiny pieces and it will be an all round disaster of catastrophic proportions.
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| Hurry up and sneeze! |
Crossword Crisis
Such is my need for positive reinforcement that if I don't get any feedback, I go crazy...
Here I am, having finished a crossword, knowing that "nosser" is not a word, realising the newspaper containing the answers is not the one I'm holding because I gave that paper away.
If I experience this much despair and disillusionment from not being able to check my crossword answers, no wonder I struggled without timely feedback on my anatomy and physiology assignments at uni. My lecturer was so overworked that by the time we got our assignments back we had already handed up the next one. It did not help me learn.
As for the crossword, while I was playing with my camera I noticed I could change "nosser" to "tosser" and "lean" to "list" thus "_g_n_a" was actually "_g_n_s" so it could become "agents". Crisis averted.
Here I am, having finished a crossword, knowing that "nosser" is not a word, realising the newspaper containing the answers is not the one I'm holding because I gave that paper away.
If I experience this much despair and disillusionment from not being able to check my crossword answers, no wonder I struggled without timely feedback on my anatomy and physiology assignments at uni. My lecturer was so overworked that by the time we got our assignments back we had already handed up the next one. It did not help me learn.
As for the crossword, while I was playing with my camera I noticed I could change "nosser" to "tosser" and "lean" to "list" thus "_g_n_a" was actually "_g_n_s" so it could become "agents". Crisis averted.
Tuesday, 12 June 2012
I'm so glad I know she wanted a cashmere cardigan
The Advertiser sent me a letter advising me that I was under no obligation to receive free newspapers for a week. It was in one of those brightly coloured envelopes addressed to "The Householder" so I didn't open it until it was too late to cancel the newspaper deliveries. No obligation? They threw a new newspaper on my driveway every day for seven days! I couldn't sweep them onto the street and pretend they weren't mine.
I tried reading the newspapers but it was painful. I photographed some of the worst articles and I'm slowly working through a week's worth of crosswords. The photos didn't turn out very well so you can't actually read the articles. No loss there.
A selection of the worst articles
Headline: Monster moggy claws at record
Summary: Someone's cat is big.
Headline: When it comes to beards it's only a matter of trust
Summary: Some people don't trust men with beards.
Linked Articles: To find out if men with beards can be trusted they asked 5 men with beards. At least the men gave decent answers and Ryan was funny.
Headline: Retailers hopeful of $30m spend at sales
Summary: A lady waited for a shop to open.
Caption: BARGAIN HUNTER: Marlene Taylor waited alone for David Jones to open for the start of its sales yesterday to buy a cashmere cardigan.
Caption: "Our clever dog Charlie enjoyed reading the TV guide" Gwen Kelsey says.
Summary: Someone has a pet dog.
Headline: Stopping all over
Summary: Traffic Lights: They go red.
Headline: Life is unreal
Summary: A girl was given a new apartment to accomodate the film crew of a reality show.
Headline: Blockbuster concert fit for a Queen
Summary: A concert was NOT fit for the Queen.
(Excerpt below)
Headline: Sequins make a dazzling comeback
Summary: Someone likes sequins.
Headline: Bigger spend-ups now suit men
Summary: Men are buying more suits.
Headline: Men return to shopping
Summary: Men are buying more suits (still, the day after the first article about men buying more suits)
And finally, the week in sports...
Summary: People pulled funny faces.
I tried reading the newspapers but it was painful. I photographed some of the worst articles and I'm slowly working through a week's worth of crosswords. The photos didn't turn out very well so you can't actually read the articles. No loss there.
A selection of the worst articles
Headline: Monster moggy claws at record
Summary: Someone's cat is big.
Headline: When it comes to beards it's only a matter of trust
Summary: Some people don't trust men with beards.
Linked Articles: To find out if men with beards can be trusted they asked 5 men with beards. At least the men gave decent answers and Ryan was funny.
Summary: A lady waited for a shop to open.
Caption: BARGAIN HUNTER: Marlene Taylor waited alone for David Jones to open for the start of its sales yesterday to buy a cashmere cardigan.
Summary: Someone has a pet dog.
Summary: Traffic Lights: They go red.
Summary: A girl was given a new apartment to accomodate the film crew of a reality show.
Summary: A concert was NOT fit for the Queen.
(Excerpt below)
Summary: Someone likes sequins.
Summary: Men are buying more suits.
Summary: Men are buying more suits (still, the day after the first article about men buying more suits)
And finally, the week in sports...
Summary: People pulled funny faces.
Monday, 11 June 2012
Welcome, by all means, welcome!
Continuing in my efforts to post everything I ever would have posted on a blog if I had one at the time, here are some photos of a book that I made in 2008. I don't agree with the labels of Depression and Bipolar but I haven't entirely figured out my stance on the issue. One day I'll get my head around it enough to start blogging about it. I still agree with the bit about Hamish and Andy helping me to feel less lonely. They really did help me feel a sense of belonging.
My friend and I went to see Hamish and Andy at their CD signing for Unessential Listening. There were so many people that we would have spent the whole day waiting in a line. Hundreds of people did just that and before they got to the front of the line, Hamish and Andy had to leave. My friend and I opted to sit at an outside table of the nearby restaurant pretending to have lunch all day. It's not stalking if you buy pizza.
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| Front Cover |
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| Page 1 |
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| Page 2 |
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| Page 3 - Door Closed |
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| Page 3 - Door Open |
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| Page 4 - Blanket Down |
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| Page 4 - Blanket Lifted |
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| Page 5 |
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| Page 6 |
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| Best seats in the house |
Sunday, 10 June 2012
Out, damned spot! Out, I say!
It should be noted that I haven't got any blood on my hands and no kings were harmed in the writing of this post. There was a slightly dirty patch in the middle of the loungeroom curtains and I really wanted it clean. It was created by our cat Prancer brushing against the curtains when he jumped onto the window sill but I'm not sentimental enough to keep dirt on the curtains in memory of our cat. I am quite forgetful though so I continued getting rid of carpet and making the floorboards look presentable. See During House Renovations - Scrubbing Day with Pippi Longstocking, During House Renovations - Flipping Underlay Residue and House Renovations - Loungeroom.
When the floor was done: Ooooh, look at the beautiful floorboards! But the curtains are still dirty! Raarrrr!
Below is the sound effect which played in my head when I noticed the dirty patch on the curtains. I've never seen the movie but I often get sound effects from things I haven't seen. It might be frightening if you've seen the movie but you can just imagine she has washed her hair with shampoo and discovered she has no conditioner. The sound effect works for anything. UPDATE: I accidentally played it with the volume up loud and it was terrifying. I had no choice but to delete it. How dare the original Psycho violin screech be so different to the noise that I make.
That's it! I am washing the curtains.
Nnooooooooooo...
ooooooooooooo....
ooooooooooooo....
oooooooooooooo....
It's still good. Just a little shreddy?
Fine then! I will buy new curtains. I guess some products are not made to last 25 years in the sun.
Several weeks later I went to Spotlight to buy new curtains. I had to buy 2 packets of curtains to fit the width of the windows. I fitted the hooks and put them up ready for the grand unveiling. Yay! New Curtains. There was no grand unveiling. The mechanism to open and close the curtains didn't work.
I took down the curtains and disassembled the curtain track. I enlisted the help of a couple of YouTube videos to figure out how to re-thread the cord. I had removed the old cord and was now replacing it with itself after finding out that the brand new cord I bought was 2 metres too short. I couldn't figure out the master pulleys and the pulleys and the under and over so I got my Dad to do it for me. He also put the curtain track back on the wall.
I was pretty impressed at having a curtain track with functioning pulleys. Wheeee! Look how it glides so smoothly. I care not for curtains. I can make the little rolling things roll.
I eventually put the curtains up and they opened and closed. Yay! New Curtains.
A few days later the house began to smell and I thought something had died. It was the curtains. They were still as alive as curtains can be but they caused the house to smell of dead animal. I took the curtains down, confiscated their hooks and washed the stinky curtains. I banished them outside so they could think about what they'd done.
The curtains weren't coping very well behind bars. They were becoming more and more twisted as the days went by. I brought them in and they are back where they belong. Yay! New Curtains.
Please, curtains, I don't want to make this story any longer. Behave yourselves.
Below is the sound effect which played in my head when I noticed the dirty patch on the curtains. I've never seen the movie but I often get sound effects from things I haven't seen. It might be frightening if you've seen the movie but you can just imagine she has washed her hair with shampoo and discovered she has no conditioner. The sound effect works for anything. UPDATE: I accidentally played it with the volume up loud and it was terrifying. I had no choice but to delete it. How dare the original Psycho violin screech be so different to the noise that I make.
That's it! I am washing the curtains.
Nnooooooooooo...
It's still good. Just a little shreddy?Fine then! I will buy new curtains. I guess some products are not made to last 25 years in the sun.
Several weeks later I went to Spotlight to buy new curtains. I had to buy 2 packets of curtains to fit the width of the windows. I fitted the hooks and put them up ready for the grand unveiling. Yay! New Curtains. There was no grand unveiling. The mechanism to open and close the curtains didn't work.
I took down the curtains and disassembled the curtain track. I enlisted the help of a couple of YouTube videos to figure out how to re-thread the cord. I had removed the old cord and was now replacing it with itself after finding out that the brand new cord I bought was 2 metres too short. I couldn't figure out the master pulleys and the pulleys and the under and over so I got my Dad to do it for me. He also put the curtain track back on the wall.
I was pretty impressed at having a curtain track with functioning pulleys. Wheeee! Look how it glides so smoothly. I care not for curtains. I can make the little rolling things roll.
I eventually put the curtains up and they opened and closed. Yay! New Curtains.
A few days later the house began to smell and I thought something had died. It was the curtains. They were still as alive as curtains can be but they caused the house to smell of dead animal. I took the curtains down, confiscated their hooks and washed the stinky curtains. I banished them outside so they could think about what they'd done.
The curtains weren't coping very well behind bars. They were becoming more and more twisted as the days went by. I brought them in and they are back where they belong. Yay! New Curtains.
Please, curtains, I don't want to make this story any longer. Behave yourselves.
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