Photo Developing Land

I just saw an ad for a Newborn posing beanbag.  Since when are beanbags such posers?  I thought they originated fully grown.  It took me a while to understand that someone manufactures beanbags specifically for newborn human babies to lie on and pose for baby photos and they sell these beanbags for about 80bucks.

Things were going very smoothly in photo developing land.  The on-screen prompts were easy to follow, the machine accepted my USB drive and it gave me a receipt.  The instructions on the receipt indicated that I go to the 'Electrical Cashier'.  At first I thought I would get to meet a robotic sales assistant but to my dismay there were normal checkout chicks whose main sales are of electrical appliances.  They also process other purchases like photos and frames.  I was assured I was in the right place and I paid my 35cents.

One music lesson in primary school we were taught a song:

"Left, Left, I left my wife in New Orleans
with 45cents and a can of beans
and I thought it was
Right, Right, Right for my country
Whoopseedoo."

We had to march on the spot to keep time, starting with our left foot and stamping it each time we said "left".  When we got to the final line we had to do "a bit of a gallop" (which was really just a step ball change) in order to be leading on our left foot for the word "left" as we repeated the song.  Considering I had done dance lessons and could do a step ball change, the "Whoopseedoo" bit was nothing special to me but most of the other children had considerable difficulty with the timing or the swapping of feet or the combination of the two.


We progressed from marching on the spot to walking at speed in a circle.  The more we marched and galloped, the more I got confused about how to swap from my left foot to my right when the stress went from left to right on the first "Right". 

Eventually I figured out that I had to stop thinking about it because I was naturally swapping to my right by continuing to walk.  Way back then I was overthinking things and if I'd just chilled out a bit I would have known that I didn't even need to TRY in order to "swap" from left to right.

As I was saying, I paid my 35cents and the Electrical Cashier instructed me to hand in my receipts at the Photo Centre a few metres away.

On the desk of the 'Photo Centre'.

I actually waited there for a couple of minutes, along with another lady, before I went back to the Electrical Cashier.  The Electrical Cashier then accompanied me back to the Photo Centre, took my receipts and told me there were other orders in front of mine so I needed to return in half an hour.  All the while I stared at the sign.  Surely the Electrical Cashier would have seen me walk the 5 metres to the Photo Centre and stand there before grovelling back to her so she could return with me.

When I came back in half an hour I received my photo and asked if I could have some cardboard so the photo wouldn't bend.  The Photo Centre guy tried to give me a flimsy piece of card but I wanted my full 35cents worth.  I asked if he had any scraps of cardboard from "perhaps...a cardboard box" because he was just about drowning in boxes of unpacked stock.  He caught on quickly, after saying he didn't think he had any cardboard.  He thought I was a genius.  I don't mean I think he thought I was a genius.  He actually said "You're a genius." with great awe.

He ripped off a piece of cardboard for me and asked if it was the right size when it was clearly twice as long as my photo and when he realised I wanted to put it behind the photo inside the photo envelope he was astounded.  "You're a thinker!" he exclaimed.  Then he trimmed the frayed edges which he called "frills" so I ended up with a no frills piece of cardboard.  As he was trimming the scrap of cardboard I expressed that perhaps he was trying to look busy because he had no work to do and if he liked he could colour in my piece of cardboard.  He said he would be delighted and his crayons were just out the back but I was happy with the neutral cardboard colour of my cardboard.

I took my photo of my Dad home and put it in a frame next to the photos of my Mum, my sister and me.

Finding a Photo of Dad

To match my unfinished driveway and unfinished floorboards, I have an unfinished display of family photos.  It has been particularly bothersome that for the past few months I have had portraits of my Mum, my sister and me next to half a dozen empty picture hooks because I couldn't find a good photo of my Dad and therefore gave up finding ANY other photos.

The 'N' key on my keyboard has almost completely worn off.  What is up with that?  Do I have an inexplicably exuberant usage of words containing 'N'?

In my recent search for a photo of Dad I discovered a veritable treasure trove of photos I have taken of Dad taking photos.

Some great shots I've taken of Dad:

Clockwise (from left):

• Dad lying on the ground photographing a light house.
• Dad standing up photographing a light house (different light house, different holiday).
• Dad and a light house being very tiny (they are in the distance) while Mum sits on a park bench looking out to sea, or possibly having a nap.

I remember that moment well because it was immediately after I almost stepped on a snake and my first instinct was to take a quick happy snap of it as it slithered back into the long grass.  Then I looked at the photo I'd taken.  Then I looked to where the snake had disappeared.  Then I stood still for half a minute trying to remember if you're supposed to stand completely still if you see a snake or if you're meant to run as fast as you can. 

Then I remembered the very useful fact that in order to escape a crocodile you need to run in a zig-zagged line.  Apparently the crocodile has a very wide turning circle and will not be able to co-ordinate itself to follow your haphazard escape route so will not succeed in catching and chomping you. 

Then I remembered I'd seen a snake, not a crocodile.  I checked the photo to make sure.  Then I speed-walked (in between running and standing still) to the park bench.

I can't be bothered posting ALL the sensational photos I've taken of Dad but here is a quick summary of the gems I had to choose from when looking to frame Dad on the wall with the rest of the family.

• Dad squatting in the dirt of a runway photographing glider take-offs and landings.
• Dad (with cap on backwards) leaning on the permapine railing of the meerkat enclosure in the zoo photographing the meerkats.
• Dad (with cap on backwards) leaning on the permapine railing of the meerkat enclosure in the zoo photographing the giraffes whose enclosure is behind the meerkats.
• Dad (with cap on backwards) leaning on the permapine railing on the edge of a cliff to photograph some dogs on an island in the distance, or maybe it was migrating birds on a rock, or a light house on a distant shore.
• Dad carrying a camera tripod ready to photograph the information displays inside a slab hut.
• Dad about to enter the slab hut with his camera tripod with the top of the light house from the TV show 'Round the Twist' peeking over the roof.

If you've ever seen 'Round the Twist' you will now have the song stuck in your head.  That is, of course, if readership of my blog increases to more than just me.  Mind you, I HAVE seen 'Round the Twist so I DO now have the song stuck in my head so that renders the clause useless. 

"Have you ever?

Ever felt like this?

How strange things happen,

Are you going round the twist?..."

 Just in case you've never seen it or you've forgotten.

I was well and truly spoilt for choice.  It was hard to decide which photo of Dad went best with the ones of my sister and I in formal dresses.

• Dad perching precariously on the back of a motor boat photographing kneeboarders being towed by a different boat than the one we were spectating from.
• Dad balancing in his motor boat photographing the cliffs along the River Murray, taken by me when I should have been driving the boat.
• Dad taking a photo of me at the beach taking a photo of him taking a photo of me.
• Dad standing on a jetty taking a photo of me snorkelling taking a photo of him taking a photo of me.

In the end I got one of my sister's wedding photos, cropped my sister out and voila! a photo of Dad for my lounge room wall.