Mastery!...Let the spectacle astound you!

When I do something amazing I think of this song and replace 'Masquerade' with 'Mastery'.  All the other lyrics are replaced by the inspirational words 'la la la la la la la'. 

MASTERY = MASSIVE ACHIEVEMENT

Excitement & Pride

Ignore the last few seconds of the clip.  Replace them with this image of me filled with excitement and pride.  I took this photo in 2006 immediately after being accepted into a Bachelor of Speech Pathology at Flinders Uni.  It almost emulates the exhilaration I felt as a result of today's massive achievement.  That's right - I emptied and re-stacked the dishwasher!!!  You'd think that having a dishwasher would mean I'd have no trouble washing dishes, right?  Well, the last two times the dishwasher needed emptying I left it until almost all the other dishes had been used then The Dishwasher Fairy emptied it for me.  Both occassions suspiciously coincided with my Dad staying at my house.  I wonder if he saw The Dishwasher Fairy.


This time, not only did I empty the dishwasher but I re-stacked it AND made 2 minute noodles AT THE SAME TIME!  I guess that's what happens when I wake up from a 14 hour nap with no idea what day it is.

Next time I empty the dishwasher I'm going to try to get it done BEFORE the dirty dishes start collecting on the sink.  Ambitious, I know.  There were only 10 today which is pretty good.  Let's make it ZERO dishes waiting to be washed when I empty the dishwasher next time. 

The record to beat:

Getting out of the house. It can be done.

31 days of getting out of the house without my driver's licence.

from least to most difficult...

Birthday Celebration & Strategic Planning Meeting - 30mins by taxi 

This was the easiest because I didn't feel like I was inconveniencing anyone and I didn't have to do any prior planning.

2 x evenings of Cabaret Festival with my Dad - lifts from dad Thank You!

A Fete & My Sister's House with my Sister - lifts from sister Thank You!

Saturday Matinee Theatre Performance with my Friend - lift from friend Thank You!

Saturday Night Theatre Performance with my Dad - lift from dad Thank You!

Dinner with Relatives - lifts from auntie Thank You!

My Friend's House with my Friend - lift from friend's partner, trains and walk with friend 

Although this involved more than an hour travelling each way, I coped fine because I was with my friend.  Thank You! & Thank You!

The Supermarket with my Friend - lifts from friend's friend Thank You!

My Friend's House (1hr4mins by car)

getting there - 4mins walk, 21mins bus, 1min walk during 11min wait, 10mins walk during 16mins wait, 47mins train, 6mins lift from friend's partner (1hr45mins)

This was not too difficult because I spent half a day getting there at my own pace and told myself it was an adventure.

Dinner with Friends (22mins by car)

getting there - 4mins walk, 21mins bus, 1min walk during 5mins wait, 20mins bus, 5mins walk, 2mins wait, 7mins train, 2mins walk (56mins)

This seemed reasonably easy because I had spent several hours on Google Maps planning how to get there and I was excited about seeing my friends.

7 x days of Voluntary Work & A Pre-Employment Course Session (30mins by car)

3mins walk, 14mins bus, 1min walk during 5mins wait, 9mins bus, 5mins wait, 20mins bus, 5mins walk (1hr)

Falling in and out of sleep is mentally and physically painful.  I'm finding it fairly difficult to make two of these trips each day which is why I've only made it 7 times out of a possible 18.  But I did it 7 times so that's something to be proud of.

A Doctor's Appointment (7mins by car)

getting there - 4mins walk, 5mins bus, 18mins walk (27mins)
getting home - 18mins walk, 21mins bus, 3mins walk (42mins)

Dinner with Friends & Theatre Performance Viewing at Cinema

lifts from friend Thank You!

I had been looking forward to this but hadn't figured out how to get there so I thought I'd just stay in bed.  I put a message (sob story) on facebook and half a dozen people offered me a lift.  I was so happy I cried.  

Friday Night Theatre Performance (32mins by car)

getting there - 2mins walk, 9mins train, 1min walk during 10mins wait, 35mins train, 9mins walk (1hr5mins)
getting to friend's house - lift from friend Thank You!

That was an epic Friday because not only did I make it to the theatre but I also performed in the show after two nights absence.  That day I helped celebrate the 16th birthday of the community centre where I volunteer and I participated in a strategic planning meeting including typing up the second half of the strategic plan.

Lunch with a Friend

lifts from friend Thank You!

All I had to do was get to the front door.  I made it easier for myself by cutting out the difficult part - stumbling into the shower.  I was able to change from pyjamas into clothes and stumble out the front door.

 I made it to all these things but unfortunately I didn't make it to all these things.

"Just catch the bus", he said.

I was lamenting my inability to stay awake while driving and wondering aloud how I would get somewhere.  "Why don't you just catch the bus?" suggested my friend.  THE bus?  THE bus?  There's no bus that picks you up and takes you where you want to go.  Catching the bus is not like catching a cold.  If you haven't used any mode of transport other than your car, try getting somewhere using public transport before you suggest I "just catch the bus".

I should clarify that when I refer to "my friend", it is not the same person each time.  I'm venting my frustration about things said by many different people.  This is a great forum to share the opinions I don't share with my "my friend"s.  That is, until they read it and discover that I have opinions and they chase me with swords and pitchforks.

In the last 31 days I have still managed to get out of the house a bit which is much better than last time.  It makes a huge difference being able to picture in my mind how close the bus stops are.  I just have to get across the front lawn, up the hill and around the corner.

Maybe this is significant for other things that I find overwhelming.  If I can visualise how to complete the first step, I will probably take it but if it is too far away or too complicated, I will probably not try.  I think it was the main reason I didn't make it to some important things recently.  Looking at it this way, I can give myself a bit of a break for feeling overwhelmed about getting to things.
 

I'm proud of the times I got out of the house and I can understand why sometimes it proved too much of a challenge.

Crossword Crisis

Such is my need for positive reinforcement that if I don't get any feedback, I go crazy...

Here I am, having finished a crossword, knowing that "nosser" is not a word, realising the newspaper containing the answers is not the one I'm holding because I gave that paper away. 

If I experience this much despair and disillusionment from not being able to check my crossword answers, no wonder I struggled without timely feedback on my anatomy and physiology assignments at uni.  My lecturer was so overworked that by the time we got our assignments back we had already handed up the next one.  It did not help me learn.

As for the crossword, while I was playing with my camera I noticed I could change "nosser" to "tosser" and "lean" to "list" thus "_g_n_a"  was actually "_g_n_s" so it could become "agents".  Crisis averted.

Simple "meals" that are better than starving.

"Baked Beans are not a meal.  
Toast is not a meal.  
Baked beans AND toast?  
That's a meal."

This advice from a friend has really helped lessen the guilt I feel about not having cooking skills.  I just imagine I'm like a twenty-something bachelor living alone instead of a hm..hang on, I kind of fit in that category but I'm female instead of male. 

Some "meals" I can make without falling asleep or losing strength in my limbs and/or neck...

 Baked Beans and Toast
The good thing is that it doesn't really matter in which order I do things.

• Put beans in bowl
• Put bread in toaster
• Microwave beans for 1-2 minutes
• Toast bread until it pops up
• Combine beans and toast (and cheese if available)

Baked beans and toast?  

That's a meal.

EasyMac Macaroni Cheese
Reading the directions overwhelms me but luckily I can count to 4.  I just have to remember what the numbers relate to.  The whole time I'm making it I keep counting through from 1 to 4 and I normally check the packet to make sure I have the numbers assigned to the right steps.  I'm writing this not to highlight how demented I am at cooking but because maybe it will help me figure out why I find it so difficult.

• 1 put macaroni in bowl
• 2/3 of a cup of cold water in bowl
• 4 minutes in the microwave
• put cheese in bowl (I can do that bit without a number because without it I would have Macaroni Water instead of Macaroni Cheese)

Macaroni and Cheese?  
That's a meal.

2 Minute Noodles
Again, the directions seem backwards and they confuse me so I find it easier to think about what I need to do - cover noodles in water and heat.

• Unlike the EasyMac, this one requires boiling water so I put the kettle on first. Most of the time. Sometimes I forget and have to do it after I've opened the noodle packet.
• Put noodles in bowl.
• Cover noodles in water (this avoids the hassle of having to measure a particular amount)
• Put noodles in microwave (sometimes I forget how long to put them in for until I remember they're called 2 minute noodles and I praise myself for being such a genius)
• Tip noodles into a strainer then back into the bowl.
• Add Hoisin Sauce.

Noodles and Hoisin Sauce?  
That's a meal.

Toastie
I found out recently that spreading butter on frozen bread works better than spreading butter on fresh bread so I don't even need to have fresh bread or defrost frozen bread.  UPDATE: My friend read this and excitedly said "Yeah, I discovered that too." I had to tell her that she was the one who told me.

• Switch sandwich press on to heat up
• Butter pieces of bread
• Slice pieces of tomato
• Put bread in sandwich press - butter side down
• Add tomato and cheese
• Top with bread - butter side up
• Toast in sandwich press

Toastie with Cheese and Tomato?

That's a meal.

The next one is a bit of a stretch but at least it's green.

Mixed Lettuce
I had used the last of a tomato to make a toastie and at some point I chomped through the remainder of a cucumber so the only fresh food I had was a bag of lettuce.  Fancy lettuce though.  I also had half a lemon.  I'm still convinced that the other half was used to make a salad dressing.  I should really ask my friend how she did that but I had a go because I was feeling adventurous.

• Cut the crusty edge off the lemon.
• Squeeze the lemon juice into the bag of lettuce leaves.
• Add some pepper.  For the record, I added too much pepper.

Mixed Lettuce and Salad Dressing?

That's a meal.

 

I may have taken the "a AND b equals a meal" theory a little too far with the lettuce but it's certainly a better choice than not eating.

That's a summary of where I'm at.  When I say "I can't cook" or "I don't know how to cook" or "I'm too tired to cook" I actually mean "If I'm not too fatigued I can combine a couple of simple things and follow a couple of simple steps".

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!

It should be noted that I haven't got any blood on my hands and no kings were harmed in the writing of this post.  There was a slightly dirty patch in the middle of the loungeroom curtains and I really wanted it clean.  It was created by our cat Prancer brushing against the curtains when he jumped onto the window sill but I'm not sentimental enough to keep dirt on the curtains in memory of our cat.  I am quite forgetful though so I continued getting rid of carpet and making the floorboards look presentable.  See During House Renovations - Scrubbing Day with Pippi Longstocking, During House Renovations - Flipping Underlay Residue and House Renovations - Loungeroom.

When the floor was done: Ooooh, look at the beautiful floorboards!  But the curtains are still dirty! Raarrrr!

Below is the sound effect which played in my head when I noticed the dirty patch on the curtains.  I've never seen the movie but I often get sound effects from things I haven't seen.  It might be frightening if you've seen the movie but you can just imagine she has washed her hair with shampoo and discovered she has no conditioner.  The sound effect works for anything.  UPDATE: I accidentally played it with the volume up loud and it was terrifying.  I had no choice but to delete it.  How dare the original Psycho violin screech be so different to the noise that I make. 

 

That's it!  I am washing the curtains.

Nnooooooooooo...

ooooooooooooo....

ooooooooooooo....

oooooooooooooo....

It's still good.  Just a little shreddy?

Fine then!  I will buy new curtains.  I guess some products are not made to last 25 years in the sun.

Several weeks later I went to Spotlight to buy new curtains.  I had to buy 2 packets of curtains to fit the width of the windows.  I fitted the hooks and put them up ready for the grand unveiling.  Yay! New Curtains. There was no grand unveiling.  The mechanism to open and close the curtains didn't work.

I took down the curtains and disassembled the curtain track.  I enlisted the help of a couple of YouTube videos to figure out how to re-thread the cord.  I had removed the old cord and was now replacing it with itself after finding out that the brand new cord I bought was 2 metres too short.  I couldn't figure out the master pulleys and the pulleys and the under and over so I got my Dad to do it for me. He also put the curtain track back on the wall.

I was pretty impressed at having a curtain track with functioning pulleys.  Wheeee!  Look how it glides so smoothly.  I care not for curtains.  I can make the little rolling things roll.

I eventually put the curtains up and they opened and closed.  Yay! New Curtains.

A few days later the house began to smell and I thought something had died.  It was the curtains.  They were still as alive as curtains can be but they caused the house to smell of dead animal.  I took the curtains down, confiscated their hooks and washed the stinky curtains.  I banished them outside so they could think about what they'd done.

The curtains weren't coping very well behind bars.  They were becoming more and more twisted as the days went by.  I brought them in and they are back where they belong.  Yay! New Curtains.

Please, curtains, I don't want to make this story any longer.  Behave yourselves.

I mixed stuff! In a bowl!

I was feeling hungry so I made some mini damper-short-naan-scone-biscuits.  My favourite.  No, I figured I would throw some stuff in a bowl and see what happened.  I watched a pencil and a piece of chewing gum for 45 minutes and they didn't move so instead I mixed together flour, eggs, butter and milk.

It astounds me that I thought to combine ingredients to create something.  It must be the first time I have ever spontaneously thought I could make something edible using things that alone are fairly inedible.

FLOUR...EGGS...BUTTER...MILK

By your powers combined...

I am mini damper-short-naan-scone-biscuits.

House Renovations - Loungeroom

click to enlarge

Take me back to the thrilling saga about the curtains.

More photos of my House Renovations: 
House Renovations - Bedroom

Photos of me mucking around during House Renovations:
During House Renovations - Flipping Underlay Residue
During House Renovations - Scrubbing Day with Pippi Longstocking 
During House Renovations - The Varnish Discovery

House Renovations - Bedroom

click to enlarge

More photos of my House Renovations: 
House Renovations - Loungeroom

Photos of me mucking around during House Renovations:
During House Renovations - Flipping Underlay Residue
During House Renovations - Scrubbing Day with Pippi Longstocking 
During House Renovations - The Varnish Discovery

Fridge Contents #1 - Empty Bottles

Make sure you keep your empty plastic bottles adequately chilled.

That's right.  I am currently cooling five 2L bottles and six 1L bottles.  Four of the larger bottles and two of the smaller bottles are completely devoid of liquid.  The straight cordial (I couldn't afford the gay stuff) in three of the 1L bottles would not even fill one 1L bottle.  The cordial which has already been mixed with water could probably fit in a 1L bottle but it's in a 2L bottle.  As for the last bottle, it is actually FULL, but it's full of water and I don't really know why.  Then I have my blue water bottle.  The straw appears to be broken but I leave it there in the hope that one day the little man who turns the light on and off will set to work on my water bottle and it will miraculously function.

Contents of my Fridge

• Water
• Cordial
• Cordial (mixed with Water)
• Tomato Sauce
• Tomato Sauce (Gluten Free)
• Hoisin Sauce
• Dijon Mustard
• Mayonnaise
• Grated Cheese
• Pumpkin Soup

Actual Food in my Fridge

• Grated Cheese
• Pumpkin Soup

Actual Food in my Fridge not supplied by my Dad

•  Grated Cheese

 What my Fridge says about me today:
Nothing.  My fridge can't talk.  However, I do know that I keep looking at the cordial thinking I should make some up in the 2L bottles because I'm going to run out of ready to drink cordial very soon.  Tragedy!  Mixing cordial with water is the closest I can get to successfully making something in the kitchen.  I can proudly say that I have never burned cordial.

As for food...  Moving on.  Nothing more to see here.  No, I just haven't mastered ANY of the steps necessary for feeding myself except for the bit where I actually consume and digest the food.  Everything before that is still in the very early stages. By "very early" I don't mean "infancy", I mean "embryonic development" or "not even conceived".

Current hurdles in the way of me cooking food

• Having the energy to get to the supermarket
• Having the control to not be overwhelmed by the supermarket
• Knowing what food to buy
• Knowing what to make with the food I have bought
• Getting home from the supermarket with the food I've bought that I don't know what to make
• Having the energy to prepare the food
• Knowing how to prepare the food
• Knowing how to cook the food

The way I see it, if that was actually a hurdles race and I managed to jump the first hurdle, I would probably get to the second hurdle, stop, look at it looming down at me, turn around and crawl back to the start line.

I'd love to end on a happier note but I'm exhausted just by writing about how I see the whole 'feeding myself' scenario so I have to go and inhale a couple of litres of refrigerated bottled air.