New vehicle near my house.

"Honey, I'm home!  Um...I may have knocked the letterbox over."

I took this photo, went to bed, woke up about a day later and there was nothing left on the block of land.  I thought I heard a crashing sort of noise at some point but was too asleep to investigate.  It's bad enough having to deal with the difference from light to dark when I wake up 20 hours later but the disappearance of an entire house?  How could I not be awoken by that?

This blog is allergic to July

What is this?  The June blog?  I wrote something almost every day of June, including 10 posts on the 6th, then didn't write anything for the entire month of July.

Next week is my Intensive Introduction to Narrative Practice so no doubt I will have heaps to write afterwards (if my brain doesn't explode).

I'm really excited about it but I'm also really scared that I'll be so tired I'll fall asleep and miss a whole day.

My bed at Grandma's.

I plan to stay at Grandma's so I don't have as far to travel and Grandma can kick me out of bed if need be. 

I also love coming home to tell Grandma all about my day and looking through old photo albums and hearing all her funny stories.

 I think I'll also use my old mobile phone as an alarm in addition to setting alarms on my new phone.

So much anticipation and excitement about the Narrative Therapy Course!

8 hours sleep

I slept for 8 hours from 1am to 9am, heard my alarm, woke up and got out of bed.  I'd be more than happy to sign autographs if anyone was interested.  My thighs feel like jelly in a bowl of lead but it's a small price to pay for finally getting 8 (and only 8) consecutive hours of sleep... within sleeping hours.  Thank You, Thank You!  *The crowd goes wild.*

Fridge Contents #3 - Code White

Cheese and Butter Diet?

The door looks fuller but that's because I was storing 2 jars of jam in the cupboard when they should have been in the fridge.  There is a jar of curry paste which will come in handy when I buy something to accompany it.

Foods in my fridge that are not spreads/condiments: 

• Grated Cheese

I was going to have a nap then attempt a trip to the supermarket.  I woke up 14 hours later.  I am so bad at napping.

Mastery!...Let the spectacle astound you!

When I do something amazing I think of this song and replace 'Masquerade' with 'Mastery'.  All the other lyrics are replaced by the inspirational words 'la la la la la la la'. 

MASTERY = MASSIVE ACHIEVEMENT

Excitement & Pride

Ignore the last few seconds of the clip.  Replace them with this image of me filled with excitement and pride.  I took this photo in 2006 immediately after being accepted into a Bachelor of Speech Pathology at Flinders Uni.  It almost emulates the exhilaration I felt as a result of today's massive achievement.  That's right - I emptied and re-stacked the dishwasher!!!  You'd think that having a dishwasher would mean I'd have no trouble washing dishes, right?  Well, the last two times the dishwasher needed emptying I left it until almost all the other dishes had been used then The Dishwasher Fairy emptied it for me.  Both occassions suspiciously coincided with my Dad staying at my house.  I wonder if he saw The Dishwasher Fairy.


This time, not only did I empty the dishwasher but I re-stacked it AND made 2 minute noodles AT THE SAME TIME!  I guess that's what happens when I wake up from a 14 hour nap with no idea what day it is.

Next time I empty the dishwasher I'm going to try to get it done BEFORE the dirty dishes start collecting on the sink.  Ambitious, I know.  There were only 10 today which is pretty good.  Let's make it ZERO dishes waiting to be washed when I empty the dishwasher next time. 

The record to beat:

Getting out of the house. It can be done.

31 days of getting out of the house without my driver's licence.

from least to most difficult...

Birthday Celebration & Strategic Planning Meeting - 30mins by taxi 

This was the easiest because I didn't feel like I was inconveniencing anyone and I didn't have to do any prior planning.

2 x evenings of Cabaret Festival with my Dad - lifts from dad Thank You!

A Fete & My Sister's House with my Sister - lifts from sister Thank You!

Saturday Matinee Theatre Performance with my Friend - lift from friend Thank You!

Saturday Night Theatre Performance with my Dad - lift from dad Thank You!

Dinner with Relatives - lifts from auntie Thank You!

My Friend's House with my Friend - lift from friend's partner, trains and walk with friend 

Although this involved more than an hour travelling each way, I coped fine because I was with my friend.  Thank You! & Thank You!

The Supermarket with my Friend - lifts from friend's friend Thank You!

My Friend's House (1hr4mins by car)

getting there - 4mins walk, 21mins bus, 1min walk during 11min wait, 10mins walk during 16mins wait, 47mins train, 6mins lift from friend's partner (1hr45mins)

This was not too difficult because I spent half a day getting there at my own pace and told myself it was an adventure.

Dinner with Friends (22mins by car)

getting there - 4mins walk, 21mins bus, 1min walk during 5mins wait, 20mins bus, 5mins walk, 2mins wait, 7mins train, 2mins walk (56mins)

This seemed reasonably easy because I had spent several hours on Google Maps planning how to get there and I was excited about seeing my friends.

7 x days of Voluntary Work & A Pre-Employment Course Session (30mins by car)

3mins walk, 14mins bus, 1min walk during 5mins wait, 9mins bus, 5mins wait, 20mins bus, 5mins walk (1hr)

Falling in and out of sleep is mentally and physically painful.  I'm finding it fairly difficult to make two of these trips each day which is why I've only made it 7 times out of a possible 18.  But I did it 7 times so that's something to be proud of.

A Doctor's Appointment (7mins by car)

getting there - 4mins walk, 5mins bus, 18mins walk (27mins)
getting home - 18mins walk, 21mins bus, 3mins walk (42mins)

Dinner with Friends & Theatre Performance Viewing at Cinema

lifts from friend Thank You!

I had been looking forward to this but hadn't figured out how to get there so I thought I'd just stay in bed.  I put a message (sob story) on facebook and half a dozen people offered me a lift.  I was so happy I cried.  

Friday Night Theatre Performance (32mins by car)

getting there - 2mins walk, 9mins train, 1min walk during 10mins wait, 35mins train, 9mins walk (1hr5mins)
getting to friend's house - lift from friend Thank You!

That was an epic Friday because not only did I make it to the theatre but I also performed in the show after two nights absence.  That day I helped celebrate the 16th birthday of the community centre where I volunteer and I participated in a strategic planning meeting including typing up the second half of the strategic plan.

Lunch with a Friend

lifts from friend Thank You!

All I had to do was get to the front door.  I made it easier for myself by cutting out the difficult part - stumbling into the shower.  I was able to change from pyjamas into clothes and stumble out the front door.

 I made it to all these things but unfortunately I didn't make it to all these things.

"Just catch the bus", he said.

I was lamenting my inability to stay awake while driving and wondering aloud how I would get somewhere.  "Why don't you just catch the bus?" suggested my friend.  THE bus?  THE bus?  There's no bus that picks you up and takes you where you want to go.  Catching the bus is not like catching a cold.  If you haven't used any mode of transport other than your car, try getting somewhere using public transport before you suggest I "just catch the bus".

I should clarify that when I refer to "my friend", it is not the same person each time.  I'm venting my frustration about things said by many different people.  This is a great forum to share the opinions I don't share with my "my friend"s.  That is, until they read it and discover that I have opinions and they chase me with swords and pitchforks.

In the last 31 days I have still managed to get out of the house a bit which is much better than last time.  It makes a huge difference being able to picture in my mind how close the bus stops are.  I just have to get across the front lawn, up the hill and around the corner.

Maybe this is significant for other things that I find overwhelming.  If I can visualise how to complete the first step, I will probably take it but if it is too far away or too complicated, I will probably not try.  I think it was the main reason I didn't make it to some important things recently.  Looking at it this way, I can give myself a bit of a break for feeling overwhelmed about getting to things.
 

I'm proud of the times I got out of the house and I can understand why sometimes it proved too much of a challenge.

Product Review #1 - Talking Clock

Wheeee! Time flies.

Sometimes I don't wake up because I don't hear my alarm.  Other times I hear an alarm noise and fall asleep before I realise its significance.  Then there are times when I wake up to my alarm, tell myself no-one cares if I'm alive and fall asleep again. For a long time I've thought that recording a message for my partly conscious self might be an alarm I'd wake up to.

When I saw that you can easily record your own voice on this clock I bought it immediately.  I figured it'd be easier than recording my voice to my computer, burning it onto a CD and putting the CD in my CD Alarm Clock.  I planned to deliver an inspirational speech which was guaranteed to connect deeply with my future self every time I wanted to stop sleeping and leap out of bed.

I set the time and noticed that it was difficult to accurately position the alarm hand at a specific time.  It also ticked loudly.  I can't stand ticking clocks.  I tested the volume and quality of the recording with a test message of something lame like "Good Morning, You should get up because it's fun to be awake!".  I only just managed to fit it in.  That meaningless greeting was almost too much for the little clock because it only records 6 seconds worth.

How was I going to convey the beauty and splendour of emerging into a new day from a peaceful slumber within 6 seconds?  I bet you can't even record a decent "Good Morning Vietnaaaaaaaaaaaam" lasting less than 6 seconds.

The playback was really quiet.  As quiet as the ticking was loud.  That makes no sense.  Neither does a clock that only records for 6 seconds.

I do not recommend this product.

Simple "meals" that are better than starving.

"Baked Beans are not a meal.  
Toast is not a meal.  
Baked beans AND toast?  
That's a meal."

This advice from a friend has really helped lessen the guilt I feel about not having cooking skills.  I just imagine I'm like a twenty-something bachelor living alone instead of a hm..hang on, I kind of fit in that category but I'm female instead of male. 

Some "meals" I can make without falling asleep or losing strength in my limbs and/or neck...

 Baked Beans and Toast
The good thing is that it doesn't really matter in which order I do things.

• Put beans in bowl
• Put bread in toaster
• Microwave beans for 1-2 minutes
• Toast bread until it pops up
• Combine beans and toast (and cheese if available)

Baked beans and toast?  

That's a meal.

EasyMac Macaroni Cheese
Reading the directions overwhelms me but luckily I can count to 4.  I just have to remember what the numbers relate to.  The whole time I'm making it I keep counting through from 1 to 4 and I normally check the packet to make sure I have the numbers assigned to the right steps.  I'm writing this not to highlight how demented I am at cooking but because maybe it will help me figure out why I find it so difficult.

• 1 put macaroni in bowl
• 2/3 of a cup of cold water in bowl
• 4 minutes in the microwave
• put cheese in bowl (I can do that bit without a number because without it I would have Macaroni Water instead of Macaroni Cheese)

Macaroni and Cheese?  
That's a meal.

2 Minute Noodles
Again, the directions seem backwards and they confuse me so I find it easier to think about what I need to do - cover noodles in water and heat.

• Unlike the EasyMac, this one requires boiling water so I put the kettle on first. Most of the time. Sometimes I forget and have to do it after I've opened the noodle packet.
• Put noodles in bowl.
• Cover noodles in water (this avoids the hassle of having to measure a particular amount)
• Put noodles in microwave (sometimes I forget how long to put them in for until I remember they're called 2 minute noodles and I praise myself for being such a genius)
• Tip noodles into a strainer then back into the bowl.
• Add Hoisin Sauce.

Noodles and Hoisin Sauce?  
That's a meal.

Toastie
I found out recently that spreading butter on frozen bread works better than spreading butter on fresh bread so I don't even need to have fresh bread or defrost frozen bread.  UPDATE: My friend read this and excitedly said "Yeah, I discovered that too." I had to tell her that she was the one who told me.

• Switch sandwich press on to heat up
• Butter pieces of bread
• Slice pieces of tomato
• Put bread in sandwich press - butter side down
• Add tomato and cheese
• Top with bread - butter side up
• Toast in sandwich press

Toastie with Cheese and Tomato?

That's a meal.

The next one is a bit of a stretch but at least it's green.

Mixed Lettuce
I had used the last of a tomato to make a toastie and at some point I chomped through the remainder of a cucumber so the only fresh food I had was a bag of lettuce.  Fancy lettuce though.  I also had half a lemon.  I'm still convinced that the other half was used to make a salad dressing.  I should really ask my friend how she did that but I had a go because I was feeling adventurous.

• Cut the crusty edge off the lemon.
• Squeeze the lemon juice into the bag of lettuce leaves.
• Add some pepper.  For the record, I added too much pepper.

Mixed Lettuce and Salad Dressing?

That's a meal.

 

I may have taken the "a AND b equals a meal" theory a little too far with the lettuce but it's certainly a better choice than not eating.

That's a summary of where I'm at.  When I say "I can't cook" or "I don't know how to cook" or "I'm too tired to cook" I actually mean "If I'm not too fatigued I can combine a couple of simple things and follow a couple of simple steps".

Sequin, Sing! (is way better than sequencing)

I managed to translate a recipe tonight.

It wasn't in another language and it wasn't really a recipe but I managed to follow the directions on a packet of pasta.  I added the stuff and mixed the stuff and heated the stuff and it was edible!  Tonight I accomplished what other people do easily some time before they start going to school.  I think I'm pretty awesome for nailing it before I turn 30.  I've only got 10 days to go so it was a close one.  Actually, I'm pretty sure I've mastered it previously but it's still an achievement because I bought the packet months ago and I've finally used it.

Surely I've made a single snack pasta pack thingo before.  Then again, I remember going on a hike with scouts when I was about 12 and I was trying to read the instructions I'd written onto a cup-a-soup sachet in the dark.  I mean, I wrote the instructions with the light on.  I wasn't challenging myself to read something I scrawled onto the sachet in a blackout.  I couldn't see the writing and one of the scouts taunted me a bit saying "It's gonna be the same making it on a hike as it is making it at home."  That would have been useful advice if I'd ever made anything at home but I took it as an insult because I didn't know how to make it at home OR on a hike.

I think my problem is the order of doing things.

If you heated up a saucepan and tipped powdered soup into it, I think it would burn.
If you poured cold water onto powdered soup or powdered soup into cold water, it would go lumpy.

There is a set way that it has to be done and I assume that is to heat up the water while putting powdered soup in a cup then pour the heated water into the cup and mix the powdered soup through the water.

I'm pretty sure the bit I have trouble with is doing one thing WHILE doing another thing.  However, just reading all those steps makes me feel overwhelmed so perhaps the problem lies with having to do more than one thing.

I've been trying to figure out how I deciphered the directions tonight when normally I would get freaked out by all the numbers.  I think it comes from being able to block out the irrelevant information and from managing to re-order the sequence of steps in my head without confusing myself.

I always find that recipes tell you to do stuff backwards.

Let's say step 1 is to add the diced potatoes to the boiling water.
Where did the boiling water come from?

Surely you should have told me to FIRST boil water, THEN cut potatoes, THEN add potatoes to water or FIRST cut potatoes, THEN boil water, THEN add potatoes to water.

You have to tell me these things!  
I don't know which way is right!
Am I the only person in the world who has trouble with this?

I had a similar issue in maths when the textbooks stopped listing all the steps and I had to guess how they got from one step to the next.  At least with equations I wouldn't have turned a fried egg into a charcoal pancake because suddenly I had to add a mix of marinated mushrooms and artichokes.

Here is what I was working with tonight:

I have made a flow chart of the steps I go through before I can follow the directions.  I have only been in a situation where I could progress past the very first step in the last few days because my friend went to the supermarket for me.  Also, before I can even qualify to think about the first step I have to be awake and have energy.

Prerequisites: BE AWAKE & HAVE ENERGY
Materials Needed:

The Directions on the Packet

This is my revised order of directions according to how I think I re-wrote it in my head:

It makes me feel quite retarded that I have to put in so much effort to re-write simple directions on a packet of pasta but it's good to know what's confusing me.

Shopping, Cooking, Eating and More Cooking...on Speed

In my attempt to be a responsible adult and learn to feed myself I said my friend could come over and help me buy food and make a meal.  This was pretty huge; the first time I've allowed someone into my house who isn't family or someone picking me up to take me somewhere else.  I have some sort of supermarket phobia so I've only bought food about four times this year.  That's less than once a month and one of those times I only bought cordial and choc chip cookies.

I woke up late but still wanted to have a shower.  I answered the door in a towel.  My friend had brought a friend.  Meeting someone while dripping water on the floor would have been embarrassing if I didn't have previous experience of waking up late and answering the door in a towel.  That in itself is pretty embarrassing.  I had to leave my guests to forage for tea and coffee while I got dressed.

Next, there was a flurry of activity.  A crazy whirlwind.  Within a couple of hours I was left with evidence that shopping and cooking had occurred but little idea how it had happened.

I remember my friend had a Food Ideas magazine, she was using a fluorescent pink pencil to cross things off a list and that I really wanted a box of Cheerios.  We ran rather than walked through the supermarket aisles.  I probably only have that perception because alone in a supermarket I would normally wade slowly through the rows and rows of brightly coloured products, my eyes and brain being assaulted by the intense visual stimulation.  With my friend and her friend there were no prolonged anxiety filled decisions of what to buy as they grabbed things off the shelves and moved on.

My friend's friend disapproved of my purchase of a block of chocolate, labelling it as "naughty".  Apparently if you eat "naughty" foods you have to repent of your sins and seek forgiveness from your body by going to the gym.  I had never thought of it that way.  If I was to label chocolate, I would call it "yummy", then I would eat it.

I chose some apples.  It was hard because there were three different types to chose from and I chose the unlabelled ones.  When they got scanned at the checkout the sales assistant had to guess what type they were.

Fruit!  In my Fruit Bowl!

I definitely recall saying something about how my friend's friend should get a horse to hold his boot open because it was broken.  I meant one of the toy horse heads on a pole (my old housemate had one for her boot) but my friend thought I meant a real horse.  I doubt a real horse would want to stand behind a car holding the boot open.

When we got home, I cut up chicken.  I dislike cutting meat because I find it tough to get through and I also become more and more vegetarian the closer I get to seeing meat as part of an animal.  I also felt like I was taking a really long time to wrestle my way through the slippery chicken globs and it was as though I was tearing it apart with my fingers as well as cutting it with a knife. 

Then suddenly we were eating delicious Butter Chicken which along with the chicken had green beans, onion and rice.  There's an opened jar of butter chicken paste and an opened tub of cream and I believe some oil went in too.

Before I'd finished eating, my friend was onto making a pie.  I was exhausted and could hardly lift my arms and all I wanted to do was lie down.  I was of absolutely no use but I forced myself to stand up instead of collapsing in the hallway.  Meanwhile, my friend's friend was washing dishes at the same rate that my friend was using them, then he was drying them and washing more.

Then there was a pie and my friend asked me what pattern I wanted on it.  I tried to think back to when I was little and I saw my Grandma make a pie but I couldn't figure out what was meant by 'pattern'.  When my parents heated up pies I guess the patterns were hidden by the words written on the plastic like 'Balfours', 'Vilis' or 'Foodland'.  My friend started cutting triangles out of the puff pastry sheet and then she made a letter 'A' because my name starts with 'A'.  I was so close to tears. 

Then they were gone.

I fell asleep for a few hours before looking after my nephews then felt a bit hungry so I went to the fridge.

Far out, there was food in there!

I managed to heat up the pie without burning it despite having no idea for how long or at what temperature to cook it.  I ate half of it for dinner then noticed there was also a green salad.  I had already eaten green beans in the curry for lunch and green peas in the pie, and a crunchy greeen pear as a snack.  I might have overdosed on green if I'd eaten the salad too.  Luckily I combatted it by eating a whole block of chocolate.

I was dismayed because I didn't have any salad dressing then I found a mug containing a mystery salad dressing that smelled like lemon.  Then I found half a lemon.  By my powers of deduction I believe that a major ingredient in the salad dressing is lemon.

I didn't have the salad until the night after but whatever was in the salad dressing tasted incredible.  The cucumber in the salad had little slits around the edges which made it pretty exciting but I can't figure out how you would cut them.

Visualising my Visions

Around the same time as the Tree of Life I also looked at my Visions for the year.  We cut out words and pictures from magazines and created collages.  Visualising my visions was pretty useful but I haven't been doing a great job of actually attending to any of my ideas.

Visions for 2012

It's a bit small to read so here's what it says:

Rise and Shine 
happy, alert, smiling face and clocks to represent regularity of sleep cycle

A Working Eating Plan
3 meals a day, 7 days a week and "me" enjoying cooking

• Planning food
• Buying food
• Preparing food
• Cooking food
• Eating food

Clean Up: Organized Home
clearing old junk out of the house to make it my home, renovating, having shiny tiles?

Friends
finding, keeping

Sweet Dreams: A Peaceful Slumber
having sleep that leaves me refreshed

It was all getting a bit serious so I added the picture and caption in the top right corner.

Meet your perfect match!
"Hello Amanda, my amazing girlfriend.  I'm so glad I met you this year." -Hamish Blake.

Flawed Floors & Licence Loss

Eeyore and the Giraffe: Adventures on the High Seas.

The above picture probably has nothing to do with what I'm about to write, but I don't know because I'm yet to write it, or not write it, as the case may be.  It is now that I will decide what I'm going to write about in this blog.  Not just this post, the entire blog.  It seemed unnecessary to trouble myself with such trivialities before I created it. So, recently I had to surrender my driver's licence because I was still falling asleep at the wheel and I imagine that my daily struggle to stay awake will form part of my writings. I'm still attempting to fix some things around the house so this could be a good place to post my before and after photos of such thrilling aspects as the driveway and floorboards. My little project before I commenced ripping up carpet and sanding floorboards was to repaint the wooden giraffe above and make little hooks where I now store cables.  The leap from sanding small pieces of dowel to sanding metres of wooden floorboards was slightly greater than anticipated and I am left with some very 'rustic' surfaces which I am yet to sand and/or varnish. As for the driveway, which I originally thought I could remedy by filling in with some old laundry tiles, I am now left with a landslide of old crumbling slabs which used to constitute the walls of the swimming pool.  Not that it matters, seeing as I'm not allowed to drive anyway. Advantages of not driving: The discovery and subsequent delight in the noise a 600ml coke bottle makes when you hit things with the curvy bit.   Finding that the ticket validating machines on buses no longer make an anxiety provoking 'you are a terrible person because your ticket doesn't work' beep but instead they sound like a jolly bouncing frog.  Disadvantages of not driving: Getting a cold from visiting a doctor 5mins drive away because it took a few hours of travelling and waiting in the freezing cold night air.   I can't blame that entirely on not driving; it would have been more sensible to visit the doctor during daylight hours.  Unfortunately, I felt too sick to go to the doctor. The sickness I had before and the sickness I have inherited since have nothing to do with the reason I went there in the first place.  Much like this blog.  Much like my life in general. Well, that explains it. The main themes shall be:  Largely irrelevant photos Staying awake Not driving House renovations Things that make funny noises Complaining about my own stupidity Trying to figure out what I'm writing about