Recovery Rant

When I first saw this poster, I thought I had found the answer.  I wasn't entirely sure what the question was but I figured this had to be the answer.

Of course!  Recovery isn't about creating something out of the scraps that remain.  Recovery is about developing meaning and purpose despite being scrappy.  If I just build on those lists of factors, I will become a new and improved person.

I thought it was great at the time (October 2011) but I think it's absolute rubbish now.

It's much more complicated to give a concise account of what I think now.

I guess it's somewhat defined by what I don't think:

• I don't think I have been destroyed by an illness or that an illness has had catasrophic effects on me.  

• I don't think that focussing on limits is a good way to progress.  

• I don't think professional assistance is any better than the help of friends and family.  

• I don't think medication is really that important considering I'm not actually a broken, defective person suffering from an illness.

• I don't think I need to recover from or to anything.  

I need to interpret events differently and they'll have a different effect on my life.  The way I see myself is not conducive to me living the life I want and deserve. That doesn't mean I am ill.  It means I need to work on how I see myself and how I can live to fulfil what I believe is important.  I know that the methods used in Narrative Therapy can help me to do that.  I've already seen them in action.

How would I build an internal factor of hope in order to be a better person because the person I am now is merely a shell after the insides were hollowed out by the catastrophic effects of a mental illness?  "Right, today I shall work on my hope." *crosses fingers, squints eyes and thinks really hard about hope*

I might leave it at that for the first time I've actually put my thoughts into words on this topic.

Crossword Crisis

Such is my need for positive reinforcement that if I don't get any feedback, I go crazy...

Here I am, having finished a crossword, knowing that "nosser" is not a word, realising the newspaper containing the answers is not the one I'm holding because I gave that paper away. 

If I experience this much despair and disillusionment from not being able to check my crossword answers, no wonder I struggled without timely feedback on my anatomy and physiology assignments at uni.  My lecturer was so overworked that by the time we got our assignments back we had already handed up the next one.  It did not help me learn.

As for the crossword, while I was playing with my camera I noticed I could change "nosser" to "tosser" and "lean" to "list" thus "_g_n_a"  was actually "_g_n_s" so it could become "agents".  Crisis averted.

I'm so glad I know she wanted a cashmere cardigan

The Advertiser sent me a letter advising me that I was under no obligation to receive free newspapers for a week.  It was in one of those brightly coloured envelopes addressed to "The Householder" so I didn't open it until it was too late to cancel the newspaper deliveries.  No obligation?  They threw a new newspaper on my driveway every day for seven days!  I couldn't sweep them onto the street and pretend they weren't mine.

I tried reading the newspapers but it was painful.  I photographed some of the worst articles and I'm slowly working through a week's worth of crosswords.  The photos didn't turn out very well so you can't actually read the articles.  No loss there.

A selection of the worst articles

Headline: Monster moggy claws at record


Summary: Someone's cat is big.









Headline: When it comes to beards it's only a matter of trust

Summary: Some people don't trust men with beards.

Linked Articles: To find out if men with beards can be trusted they asked 5 men with beards.  At least the men gave decent answers and Ryan was funny.

Headline: Retailers hopeful of $30m spend at sales

Summary: A lady waited for a shop to open.

Caption: BARGAIN HUNTER: Marlene Taylor waited alone for David Jones to open for the start of its sales yesterday to buy a cashmere cardigan.

Caption: "Our clever dog Charlie enjoyed reading the TV guide" Gwen Kelsey says.

Summary: Someone has a pet dog.

Headline: Stopping all over

Summary: Traffic Lights: They go red.

Headline: Life is unreal

Summary: A girl was given a new apartment to accomodate the film crew of a reality show.

Headline: Blockbuster concert fit for a Queen

Summary: A concert was NOT fit for the Queen.

(Excerpt below)

Headline: Sequins make a dazzling comeback

Summary: Someone likes sequins.

Headline: Bigger spend-ups now suit men

Summary: Men are buying more suits.

Headline: Men return to shopping

Summary: Men are buying more suits (still, the day after the first article about men buying more suits)







And finally, the week in sports...

Summary: People pulled funny faces.

Simple "meals" that are better than starving.

"Baked Beans are not a meal.  
Toast is not a meal.  
Baked beans AND toast?  
That's a meal."

This advice from a friend has really helped lessen the guilt I feel about not having cooking skills.  I just imagine I'm like a twenty-something bachelor living alone instead of a hm..hang on, I kind of fit in that category but I'm female instead of male. 

Some "meals" I can make without falling asleep or losing strength in my limbs and/or neck...

 Baked Beans and Toast
The good thing is that it doesn't really matter in which order I do things.

• Put beans in bowl
• Put bread in toaster
• Microwave beans for 1-2 minutes
• Toast bread until it pops up
• Combine beans and toast (and cheese if available)

Baked beans and toast?  

That's a meal.

EasyMac Macaroni Cheese
Reading the directions overwhelms me but luckily I can count to 4.  I just have to remember what the numbers relate to.  The whole time I'm making it I keep counting through from 1 to 4 and I normally check the packet to make sure I have the numbers assigned to the right steps.  I'm writing this not to highlight how demented I am at cooking but because maybe it will help me figure out why I find it so difficult.

• 1 put macaroni in bowl
• 2/3 of a cup of cold water in bowl
• 4 minutes in the microwave
• put cheese in bowl (I can do that bit without a number because without it I would have Macaroni Water instead of Macaroni Cheese)

Macaroni and Cheese?  
That's a meal.

2 Minute Noodles
Again, the directions seem backwards and they confuse me so I find it easier to think about what I need to do - cover noodles in water and heat.

• Unlike the EasyMac, this one requires boiling water so I put the kettle on first. Most of the time. Sometimes I forget and have to do it after I've opened the noodle packet.
• Put noodles in bowl.
• Cover noodles in water (this avoids the hassle of having to measure a particular amount)
• Put noodles in microwave (sometimes I forget how long to put them in for until I remember they're called 2 minute noodles and I praise myself for being such a genius)
• Tip noodles into a strainer then back into the bowl.
• Add Hoisin Sauce.

Noodles and Hoisin Sauce?  
That's a meal.

Toastie
I found out recently that spreading butter on frozen bread works better than spreading butter on fresh bread so I don't even need to have fresh bread or defrost frozen bread.  UPDATE: My friend read this and excitedly said "Yeah, I discovered that too." I had to tell her that she was the one who told me.

• Switch sandwich press on to heat up
• Butter pieces of bread
• Slice pieces of tomato
• Put bread in sandwich press - butter side down
• Add tomato and cheese
• Top with bread - butter side up
• Toast in sandwich press

Toastie with Cheese and Tomato?

That's a meal.

The next one is a bit of a stretch but at least it's green.

Mixed Lettuce
I had used the last of a tomato to make a toastie and at some point I chomped through the remainder of a cucumber so the only fresh food I had was a bag of lettuce.  Fancy lettuce though.  I also had half a lemon.  I'm still convinced that the other half was used to make a salad dressing.  I should really ask my friend how she did that but I had a go because I was feeling adventurous.

• Cut the crusty edge off the lemon.
• Squeeze the lemon juice into the bag of lettuce leaves.
• Add some pepper.  For the record, I added too much pepper.

Mixed Lettuce and Salad Dressing?

That's a meal.

 

I may have taken the "a AND b equals a meal" theory a little too far with the lettuce but it's certainly a better choice than not eating.

That's a summary of where I'm at.  When I say "I can't cook" or "I don't know how to cook" or "I'm too tired to cook" I actually mean "If I'm not too fatigued I can combine a couple of simple things and follow a couple of simple steps".

Welcome, by all means, welcome!

Continuing in my efforts to post everything I ever would have posted on a blog if I had one at the time, here are some photos of a book that I made in 2008.  I don't agree with the labels of Depression and Bipolar but I haven't entirely figured out my stance on the issue.  One day I'll get my head around it enough to start blogging about it.  I still agree with the bit about Hamish and Andy helping me to feel less lonely.  They really did help me feel a sense of belonging.

Front Cover

Page 1

Page 2

Page 3 - Door Closed

Page 3 - Door Open

Page 4 - Blanket Down

Page 4 - Blanket Lifted

Page 5

Page 6

My friend and I went to see Hamish and Andy at their CD signing for Unessential Listening.  There were so many people that we would have spent the whole day waiting in a line.  Hundreds of people did just that and before they got to the front of the line, Hamish and Andy had to leave.  My friend and I opted to sit at an outside table of the nearby restaurant pretending to have lunch all day.  It's not stalking if you buy pizza.

Best seats in the house

Out, damned spot! Out, I say!

It should be noted that I haven't got any blood on my hands and no kings were harmed in the writing of this post.  There was a slightly dirty patch in the middle of the loungeroom curtains and I really wanted it clean.  It was created by our cat Prancer brushing against the curtains when he jumped onto the window sill but I'm not sentimental enough to keep dirt on the curtains in memory of our cat.  I am quite forgetful though so I continued getting rid of carpet and making the floorboards look presentable.  See During House Renovations - Scrubbing Day with Pippi Longstocking, During House Renovations - Flipping Underlay Residue and House Renovations - Loungeroom.

When the floor was done: Ooooh, look at the beautiful floorboards!  But the curtains are still dirty! Raarrrr!

Below is the sound effect which played in my head when I noticed the dirty patch on the curtains.  I've never seen the movie but I often get sound effects from things I haven't seen.  It might be frightening if you've seen the movie but you can just imagine she has washed her hair with shampoo and discovered she has no conditioner.  The sound effect works for anything.  UPDATE: I accidentally played it with the volume up loud and it was terrifying.  I had no choice but to delete it.  How dare the original Psycho violin screech be so different to the noise that I make. 

 

That's it!  I am washing the curtains.

Nnooooooooooo...

ooooooooooooo....

ooooooooooooo....

oooooooooooooo....

It's still good.  Just a little shreddy?

Fine then!  I will buy new curtains.  I guess some products are not made to last 25 years in the sun.

Several weeks later I went to Spotlight to buy new curtains.  I had to buy 2 packets of curtains to fit the width of the windows.  I fitted the hooks and put them up ready for the grand unveiling.  Yay! New Curtains. There was no grand unveiling.  The mechanism to open and close the curtains didn't work.

I took down the curtains and disassembled the curtain track.  I enlisted the help of a couple of YouTube videos to figure out how to re-thread the cord.  I had removed the old cord and was now replacing it with itself after finding out that the brand new cord I bought was 2 metres too short.  I couldn't figure out the master pulleys and the pulleys and the under and over so I got my Dad to do it for me. He also put the curtain track back on the wall.

I was pretty impressed at having a curtain track with functioning pulleys.  Wheeee!  Look how it glides so smoothly.  I care not for curtains.  I can make the little rolling things roll.

I eventually put the curtains up and they opened and closed.  Yay! New Curtains.

A few days later the house began to smell and I thought something had died.  It was the curtains.  They were still as alive as curtains can be but they caused the house to smell of dead animal.  I took the curtains down, confiscated their hooks and washed the stinky curtains.  I banished them outside so they could think about what they'd done.

The curtains weren't coping very well behind bars.  They were becoming more and more twisted as the days went by.  I brought them in and they are back where they belong.  Yay! New Curtains.

Please, curtains, I don't want to make this story any longer.  Behave yourselves.

I mixed stuff! In a bowl!

I was feeling hungry so I made some mini damper-short-naan-scone-biscuits.  My favourite.  No, I figured I would throw some stuff in a bowl and see what happened.  I watched a pencil and a piece of chewing gum for 45 minutes and they didn't move so instead I mixed together flour, eggs, butter and milk.

It astounds me that I thought to combine ingredients to create something.  It must be the first time I have ever spontaneously thought I could make something edible using things that alone are fairly inedible.

FLOUR...EGGS...BUTTER...MILK

By your powers combined...

I am mini damper-short-naan-scone-biscuits.